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"WILL"

There are two definitions for the word; will according to Oxford dictionary: will 1 and will 2. In this essay I'll be expressing will...

Sunday, May 29, 2016

FLATLINE! (Getting Mom Her Gift)



TIME TO GO

"Time to go" were the three words spoken by my BFFL, the last significant words from anyone who meant something to me.  It was May 15th 1977, I was twenty-one years old, nine months pregnant my water had broke and I was about to give birth to my first born child.

I remember as if it were yesterday.  May 14th is my mothers birthday the year 1977 she was celebrating 50 years of life.  She had a large celebration that year.  Family and family friends filled our home from near and far most of all afar.  I wanted so badly to have the baby on her birthday.  It has been said that dancing or any type of strenuous exercise can induce labor.  I danced the night away to Marvin Gaye's Got to give it up!  It didn't happen right away.  Sunday morn around 5 am the party was dispersing. Family members who lived close went home and those from far went to hotels while others remained at our house. Everyone in the house had retired to get a bit of sleep before late morning. Mom and dad my two grandmas and grandpa, aunts and uncles.  As the house was quiet and filled with the sound of snoring me myself and I was the only thing stirring about. Feeling alone and left out I decided to lay down even if I couldn't sleep,  I did. Shortly after laying down, my body started doing foreign things. So I lay there for about half an hour wondering if I should alert anyone especially since they've barely been sleep an hour.  No I  decided I just got back up and walked around thinking to myself. I was feeling little needling pains in my pelvic and vaginal areas. Over a two hour period they had lasted. First twenty minutes apart,  then fifteen and  ten. I remember in birthing class we were taught about contractions so I thought this is what's happening and I had better tell someone.  All the while thinking to myself if this is what birth pain feels like I can handle it.  I went downstairs to the rec area and found my bff laying on the sofa, I told her about it. Half awake she said Nae Nae it's nothing, "just go lay down and go to sleep." Okay now I'm thinking who would know better than her since she had recently given birth to her first born who is my niece. So I did and anyway they had stopped.  An hour later they started again same pattern 20, 15, 10 this time they were a little stronger. So I go to mom and grandma who I had to wake up. Mom is reluctant who is the mother of six and grandma who was a midwife,  is nudging her to go and check me out. Two of my aunties from far who are RN's,  were sleeping over one's also a midwife and they both have over 20 years experience in nursing. Mom awakens them, they both examine me and decide false alarm.  However one aunt explains I could be experiencing what's called lightning in the medical terms of OBGYN.  Lightning is when baby is trying to break through the placenta. It's  around 11:00am everybody's up and all eyes are on me.  The pain is coming around a third time but even stronger.  I have a flashback of the movie Alien staring Sigourney Weaver. Particularly the scene where the alien is ripping the man's body half into coming out.  It was at that moment fear crept in. Auntie checks me saw that I had started dilating and recommends I be taken to hospital for exam.  I go get checked  and doctor sends me back home confirming what I was experiencing was "lightning." The time is now  after 2:00pm, I go to the bathroom to urinate, pull my pants up afterwards and something new happens.  Water is coming from my vagina through my pants and I can't stop the flow so  I'm standing in a puddle. I cry out for help and Mom and Grandma come running they know right away my water had broke.  It is really time to go now.  My bff takes me back to the hospital only this time it was for certain to deliver.  On the way there she says to me these words I shall never forget and took solace in, "I wish that I could have that baby for you Nae Nae."  The way I felt then and now I wish she could have too.

It's minutes to three when we arrive at the hospital. Nurses and staff check me and reexamine me. I'm taken back to labor and delivery. Here's the thing the nurse asked if  I would like to get in bed, or walk around being  I had more dilating to do.  What she did not mention was once you are in bed you can not get back up.  I opted to go to bed, I was exhausted and only wanted to sleep. Bad decision? Although at first it might seem so, I think not, it's probably what helped sustain me.  At that juncture I was imprisoned in my bed.  My hands were restrained and my feet placed in stirrups. It was then fear took a mezzanine seat, all this plus now I was actually contracting at twenty minutes apart and the pain was becoming  unbearable. I remember pleading with the nurse if I could get up and walk around I'd be okay, it was then I found out once you're in bed you're in bed till delivery is complete. After two sets of twenty minute contractions. I decided in between I would need to sleep in order to continue I slept for five hours  uninterrupted by nurse or contractions. I was awakened by next shift nurse who was baffled and annoyed that I had stopped contracting during my rest. I was happy and well rested.  I had been told that nothing stops contractions not even your sleep ha. It was now in the eight o'clock hour the nurse reported I had been sleeping during which time the labor stopped. The doctor ordered to induce labor.  It's a good thing my body took in some rest. Half an hour later contractions started again right where they left off twenty minutes for an hour then fifteen this time pain extremely unbearable, so this is how pay back feels. By eleven pm I was down to ten minutes apart when I hear the nurse say okay she's ready let's get her over to delivery. By this time I'm completely out of my mind, wiggling trying to free myself,  yelling, screaming and pleading for mercy. Fear had taken a front row seat. All I could think of was Alien. They roll me in the delivery room there's this big bright lamp over this steel thin table with a doctor at the foot and one at the head. They place me on the cold table placing my feet in the stirrups and restraining my hands I remember It took four of them.  I hear doctor say she's crowning and signal the anesthesiologist to knock me out. The anesthesiologist proceeded to try to place a mask over my nose, adding to the trauma.  I'm  swinging my head from side to side, in hopes of stopping him to no avail and  with him partially  succeeding.  At this point I remember rendering myself as helpless and loosing this fight as I vaguely hear doctor say forceps, in that instance my last Will and thought was "oh God this is it i can't take anymore."   Then I shut my body down.  FLAT LINE!  
That was the day I probably shocked my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (Pun intended)  Jesus probably said to Our Father OMYOU father did you see what this one just did? I know she's strong Willed but the will to stop life? This one is special I'll have to keep my eyes her.  And maybe Christ thought too if Peter had that Will. Here's yet another thought she turned her life off let's she if she has the Will to turn it back on wait....wait.  Silly of me only I have the power to give life. I had better turn her back on because I surely didn't call her home. I have plenty more work for her to do. 

 "Back to Life, Back to Reality" back to the there and then.  I awakened in a frenzy in a very dim lit room. Unbeknown to her,  I watched as she (the nurse) abruptly stood from a chair at my bedside when noticing the machine flicker.   Patting my hand and telling me to be calm in a gentle voice. I sobbingly asked as I felt my stomach did I have that baby and she quickly nodded and said yes. I responded with a sigh of relief.  The huge clock on the wall showed the time was three-forty.  My next question was what did I have, she said " you had a beautiful healthy baby boy" and no sooner than she got the b in boy out I said "Yuck,"  she chuckled and asked why I replied "I wanted a girl." back to sleep I fell in an instant. Waking again after 4am and feeling relieved she asked how are you feeling I said fine. She said "well you gave us all a good scare, the doctors had to charge you four times."  "We lost you."  Don't let them (referring to the doctors) tell you anything else." "I'm telling you this in confidence and I could loose my job, but you have the right know." In hind sight we lost you was putting it mild and rightly so, I guess if she had said you died,  the fragile condition I was in, I probably would have died again lol.  None of what she was saying meant a bag of beans to me then.  I was just so happy to have that baby out of me. However I did thank her. I've often thought about having the opportunity to tell her what a huge influence those words have in my relationship with Christ Jesus today.

It didn't matter to me but it mattered to Mom and Dad who were horrified when they reached the hospital at noon to find me in ICU hooked up to six machines. Not to mention the hospital didn't inform them that I had complications during delivery. Dad was simply glad that I was alive and he had his first grandson. Mom was furious,  the doctors did inform them that my heart had stopped and how many times they had to charge me.  I don't know never asked how long I shut down but The Almighty brought me back.   No I didn't see "The Light" or any afterlife experience. I guess that's because it wasn't according to Christ Jesus my time.  Some doctors proclaimed that it was a massive myocardial infarction except no one has ever had one and lived to tell about it, and there were no visible signs of one.  There were  other theories it had something to do with rheumatic fever which I had no history of . The doctors were baffled again courtesy of moi and you know who!  Twenty-one years later yet another unexplained incident according to them. Doctors back in the 1970's and earlier on believed they had the power over life and death lol. They've just gotten so today that they will admit that all they can do is their best and The Almighty Father does the rest. Anyways under doctor's orders I remained in the hospital for a week although my son could go home.  Mom forbid it she said "my grandson will stay in this hospital close to his mother." The baby was born at 2:09 am May 16th 1977 with help of forceps (which are now illegal) weighing in at 8lbs/101/2oz and 23" long.  He is currently 39yrs old and a blast.   I figure that's close enough to Mom's birthday. Happy Birthday Mom my gift to you a grandson!


Here's my theory in short. You know that cliche:  scared/frightened to death.  Literally  I'm living proof. 

Thanks and Praises to my Lord and Savior Christ Jesus.  Amen! 

SPST Same Place Same Time
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Tuesday, May 24, 2016

"WILL"




There are two definitions for the word; will according to Oxford dictionary: will 1 and will 2. In this essay I'll be expressing will 2.  The faculty by which a person decides on and initiates action: she has an iron will a battle of wills between children and their parents' [mass noun]: an act of will

 Remember Christ Jesus had already tested my Flesh and Will when I was born.  So now the first time he tests my Will on human kind is my mother. My mother was a loving, kind and gentle woman yet very stern. I am one of six siblings who is instilled with a great foundation, obedience being a strong point. We didn't have a lot but we never needed for anything. One of mom's golden rules was "waste not, want not," and "what I fix you will eat."  I was four years old, mom had prepared for dinner pork chops smothered in gravy mashed potatoes and beets. I ate most of the meat, well the potatoes and beets no thank you. She was annoyed that I had eaten most of the meat and touched nothing else. So she asked "why haven't you eaten the rest of your food?",  I remember answering "because it nasty, I don't like it and I don't want to."  How's that for sweet honesty and innocence.  It didn't set well with her and she said to me " hum well you're gonna eat it and you will sit there until you do, if it takes all night." So she shepherded the others off for baths and bed while I remained alone at the end of the table shuffling my food around my plate with my fork. It was now after seven thirty and she had returned to the kitchen to clean up. But first she warmed my food and sat at the table looking at me as if her presence would persuade me to change my mind. Glancing at the clock on the wall then staring at that awful food shuffling it around in my plate, feeling annoyed, confused and thinking why is she treating me this way.  Meanwhile Mom's back at the kitchen sink washing dishes and talking on the phone to grandma.  It's a quarter past eight I know it's past bedtime, 'cause bedtime was when the little hand is on the eight and the big hand is on the twelve. I hear her telling granny what I did then I hear her say, "she's a Willful ole child" glancing back at me, she didn't say stubborn or defiant. Finally the little hand was on the eight and the big hand is on the seven.  I'm getting sleepy my head is bobbing so I push the plate of food aside and rest my head on the table. She must have turned around and noticed me, I hear her tell grandma "I gotta go, this child  fell asleep at the table."  I felt her pick me up and cart me off to bed caressing my head along the way leaving that plate on the table.  I often wonder and concoct the things as a parent she must have been thinking. However well into adulthood with children of my own I did ask.  All I got was a very subtle chuckle,  the same chuckle I remember hearing as she carried me off to bed that night. I love you Mom always and forever R.I.P

Sunday coming I'll be writing about my Flat Line ordeal.  I'm privileged to share with you how "His Will"  along with "my Willpower"  had a big role in my story of survival. 
SPST   

Wednesday Special 
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Sunday, May 22, 2016

IN THE BEGINNING !


His Grace and Mercy

Who am I.  November 7th 1955 a baby girl to a pair was born. After being born Dr.'s informed my parents that "the boy is doing fine but the little girl is in danger her lungs are deflated, she's struggling to breathe and there's nothing we can do to help her."  "What are her chances of living?" asked my parents. The doctors replied "50/50, she will live or die, she's a fighter, so we will see."  What the doctors and her parents didn't know was that little baby girl was God's Property. Heavenly Father was using me to learn them a lesson and testing my parent's faith. I remained in the hospital for a week as did my mom and twin brother. During that time all the doctors could tell my mom is she's still fighting but improving. They still had not got it and until this day I wonder if they ever did.  After passing my first test of many test-i-monies I was ready to go home and face the world.
Heavenly Father had started testing my flesh the day I was born for he'd already provided me with spirit and will. I've heard it said many times that God is stronger than the flesh  and I don't know how many of you out there truly believe it but I'm here to tell you I'm living proof.  People seldom say to me that I was destined for greatness since the day I was born (no truer statement)  I simply respond with a gentle smile while thinking to myself I know Father but I guess you felt the need to have me hear that so Amen.

Since that day I've flat lined (died) once.  I've been sheltered from death 5 times,  under the knife 13 times, survived ovarian cancer (without therapy) cured of tuberculosis, had 3 myocardial infarction (heart attacks). I'm often referred to by those who are close to me as "the sickly child" I smile within and think to myself how sad that they don't get it either. There were three people on this earth who realized my purpose two are deceased ( my parents ). The other my twin brother who witnessed two of my near death experiences.  And the beat goes on that is: (my service and my purpose). Some of you might be overwhelmed don't be his BLESSINGS COME IN MANY GUISES. 

My next couple of blogs I 'll be sharing with you some of my experience as frighting as they appear some are actually hilarious.

SPST
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TheseTwoHands

 

Friday, May 13, 2016

THE BEACON LIGHT ( Hope For The Oppressed )


"Elitist Ignorance" is how Dr. Tyler Perry phrased it and then he said, "let me tell you what I mean by that," and he broke it down. But before we get to that I need to mention remembering an interview Tyler did, don't recall the particular event but it was a star studded gala affair and the significance is; Tyler stated the room was filed with only prominent and elite folk, he felt out of place. He also said he questioned himself "why am I here?"  "I don't belong here.", so much so that he blurted it out. A female celebrity at the table answered you are here because you belong here. Christians know that when you and Christ Jesus have a "mono ei mono" relationship at any given time he may choose you as his vessel sometimes catching you off guard.  I don't believe they understood themselves what was really happening. Christ Jesus had just used them both. Salvation had just been placed among them in that room. Hey Tyler ever look back on that moment and ask yourself that question now? And then answer ( elitist ignorance ). Hear him address this topic in his speech.Yet another ancestral stigma of being so-called second class citizens. I've witnessed it all to often. However Dr. Perry breaks it down and now I understand it. Thank you for shedding light on that issue. In my opinion I think the only way to fix it is to lead by example which is exactly what he's doing. Tyler has stated that he's not running from us as a people he's going to help us. Lead us in my own words. What I love most about him is the manner in which he has opened his heart to be used by  Christ. I tell you every time I speak on him in this manner my eyes well up and my heart stops a second, then I cry tears of joy. There is one in position who holds hope for humanity.   Can you imagine President Obama riding through the hood? Before Tyler it would have been a joke.  Dr. Mr. Perry pointed out that he purchased Fort McPherson located in the lowest income family neighborhood in Atlanta how about that. His goal is to hire people in the area and train them to be successful. Great choice Tyler there are a lot of gifted folk in the area too. This man of strength, courage, conviction and  most of all love confessed when you achieve a certain level of success you are first celebrated.  Then as you get bigger you become a threat to your peers becoming a target. He guarded himself so he thought against outside intrusion  he was "taken aback" when they came from inside. But that's alright cause when JC has you, he got you. Psalms 23:5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.,  I must say Dr. Perry your light is truly shining and I'm noticing the glowing affect it has on some of your peers. I keep reflecting many are called but few are chosen. Just a reminder to always walk with your sword never lye it down not for a second. I know even though we walk in the light, we are still human. Blessed are the pure at heart Dr. Tyler.

In closing your TU speech was food for the soul. I know it fed my hungry soul and I'll be full for a long time. I just pray that others got it. My family and I we love you, support you and appreciate what you are doing! All things through Christ Jesus! Amen

SPST

Sunday, May 8, 2016

EGOS/POWER



     So I guess our superheros are ego tripping now a days?!
As a youth growing up Superman, Batman, Iron Man and Captain America respectively used their own tactics. It wasn't a problem then. My question is why does everything have to be a battle or a power struggle?  Let me guess according to we the people it's all about who possess the most. Well if it's all about power,  a lot have forgotten who holds The Power and The Glory.  My belief is that his chosen are few.  Besides  aren't we struggling enough with our economy and other crisis, why struggle among ourselves?  It seems so senseless.  Are we barbarians seeking thrills and finding comfort in lies, deceit, scandal, killing and controversy?.

     Was thinking how nice it would be to sit down to watch a t.v show that is positively fulfilling again.  A show that we all could gain wisdom and encouragement from.  Whatever happened to shows with themes such as Little House On The Prairie, Lassie,  Seventh Heaven and Touched by an Angel?  Family oriented television dramas that portray endearing friendships, triumphs and loving families achieving and hanging on to faith, hope and charity. Remember them, Faith, Hope and Charity?.  Shows that left everlasting positive impressions on us. And I'm not talking about reality t.v shows for there is nothing real about them.

     It can't be just all about the money?  Morals I know you're out there.  Is there anyone who's willing to change the game.  The public majority are heavily influenced by public media especially our youth,  it's sad to say but true.

SPST   Same Place Same Time

    

Monday, May 2, 2016

CAN YOU SMELL WHAT TYLER PERRY'S BAKING?! ( A Whole Lot To Say )


I smell a rat named Hanna!

Tyler Perry's HAHN Binge season five had me in a stupor metaphorically speaking.  After sobering up, my mind can't seem to focus on any other character but Hanna.  Sweet innocent holy-er than thou Hanna.

Did you all see how the "Christian" rummaged through Katheryn's house like a junkie needing a fix for her money. Hummmm. So I'm thinking look at the christian when out of her mouth comes I'm TAKING what's mines, the cry of the self righteous. Now I'm not sure what type of christian she claims to be but it's my belief that true christian hearted  folk are GIVERS sometimes to a fault who find it hard to accept or receive unless they've earned it, but never ever TAKERS.

It has also been one of my life's lessons that most Christian's were once the biggest Heathen's.  Then age or something traumatic in their life happens and they turn to or hide behind Father God.  It is also my opinion that these type folk as parents always try to relive their lives through their children, trying to right the wrongs of their past.

Having said that I'm remembering the look on Hanna's face in the scene outside of her house between she and Veronica after catching Veronica and Benny in the bedroom of her house. Hanna was spewing out slurs about Veronica having a dirty past life and Veronica stated that she'd bet Hanna had some dirt in her past too and that she would/could find it. Well......

I think that Hanna has a very colorful past and most of that color is black as soot. I also believe that Candace was badly abused as a child, why else would she despise her mother so refusing to be an unforgiving daughter?????

Anyways we'll just have to wait to see when Tyler finishes his next dish. He really served it up season five, a ten course meal and they were all delicious not to mention the deserts! I keep telling y'all don't sleep on Tyler!!!! Waiting for season 6

Same Place Same Time (SPST)